OMG, she's posting about minutia again!!
Ahem, anyway, Kaden's route has some text coding issues:
All these should be in italics and without Kaden's name and image tag (action description, not dialogue)
Cropped for your pleasure
In addition to the italics issue, I don't know quite understand what is going on in the last screen, I'm afraid. How does twisting his arms during dancing help with that particular view? Should he be twisting his body instead of his arms?
Possible typos in Kaden's scenes
Visiting the rebel outpost:
Diana: Think nothing of it, I was glad to help. I hope there wasn't any other troubles
'wasn't any other trouble' ?
In the same scene
The two of you kiss....... pulsing as he you each try to draw the
'as you both' or 'as the each of you' ?
Kaden immersed in crafts:
You quietly tip-toe up to your boyfriend, and he is still oblivious to you approach as you cover....
In the same scene:
Kaden:And how are you doing?
Diana: It's definitely much better you're
'better now that you're' ?
and later in the same scene...
You raise your arms, and slowly start to dance along with Kaden. Soon, the too of you are....
Couple more possible typos in Galina's scenes
As you come visit Galina........ She has the monitor on, but isn't watching anything of value. Instead,....
This is probably a complete matter of preference, but I wouldn't drop the 'she' from 'but she isn't'
In the same scene:
Diana: Love, everyone comes with baggage. I have it on good authority and
that I'm a blanket hog.
'on good authority that I'm'
No 'and' needed....... or maybe I'm missing something?
Lastly, some typos and editing suggestions for the informative texts on the side missions screen (not related to the DLC)
-Should be 'new star points'
However, I would suggest clarifying the instructions further by replacing the whole text with this:
You can earn more star points for card upgrades by completing side missions. Upgrading your cards is completely optional in EASY mode, but it is strongly recommended in HARD mode. Click on the portraits above for more details on each mission.
-'these' would fit better here instead of 'those'
Again, editing suggestion for clarity and shortness:
Play this side mission with <NPCname>.
This is a one-time-only mission that includes a small scene.
-Should be 'arrive' w/o the 's' since reinforcements is in plural
-Edit suggestion for clarity:
This is your last chance to talk with your team or to complete side missions! The game finale starts when you click on the 'Continue Story'-button the second time.
All the above offered with a grain of NaCl.