Scene before Mission 8 (don't have line number, sorry):
- Power, and <talking about restoring facilities> - delete the comma.
966 Mizuki says "even I don't have the clearance for it"
970 Diane says "I might be mistaken, but isn't this above your clearance?"
973 The line from Mizuki should read "...that's what I just said!"
During the battle:
"Use Mizuki's Hacker unit and Unoptimal Balance cards" (s, also the casing is inconsistent - Unit should be capitalized or balance lowercase, no?)
I'm not sure "the" is needed before "blurring censorship"
- would they believe us?
"There won't be a lot of other choice." (were you going for "They won't have a choice."?)
"then" is unnecessary here
- but I can't do that.
I don't think the "at this time" is needed, makes it sound a little awkward.
For cards, I'll hold off until they're all "final". Since if I change a card ability, the description will change too. Though of course at this point, except for a few cards, I don't plan any big changes
In what I think is, Alex's third (or maybe 4th) party dialogue, he explains to Graciela how he (and Diana) came to be from two different countries,after Alex and Diana's parents split up. The sentence goes :
" In retrospect, I could see they tried to make it go during the last year, but it just didn't feel right"
That sentence looks very ....strange / wrong to me at least. If I read it correctly Alex is saying their parents tried to make their relationship work,
perhaps the sentence should be more like :
"In retrospect, I could see they tried to make it work / I saw/knew they tried to make their relationship work."
The original sentence, might read they -tried- to make their relationship/marriage fail, instead of trying to make it work.
Trade the word GO with WORK ( or maybe think up a new way to word the sentence?)