Typos Thread!

A VN/CCG hybrid game currently in development
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jack1974
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Typos Thread!

Post by jack1974 » Wed Nov 18, 2015 4:07 pm

Use this thread to report typos and other text-related stuff, so is easier for me to find them :) thanks

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Franka
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Re: Typos Thread!

Post by Franka » Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:34 am

Oh no. I deleted all my screenshots of typos back with version 0.7.6. I have to read through all of that again... (no offense to Miakoda, most of this tutorial talk is just not all that interesting)

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jack1974
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Re: Typos Thread!

Post by jack1974 » Fri Nov 20, 2015 11:32 am

She wrote the main game texts and missions. But every text in the battle screen or deck builder is mine. :oops:

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Franka
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Re: Typos Thread!

Post by Franka » Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:02 pm

I know, I meant most of the talk that happens during this tutorial period is pretty unexciting, but the game is just getting started, so I trust I'll get more involved later.

This is not the thread for it, but it's really confusing to follow who's talking too. I still can't connect all the names to faces. Maybe, I don't know, maybe there could be a face next to the dialogue box?

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Miakoda
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Re: Typos Thread!

Post by Miakoda » Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:13 pm

Franka wrote: (no offense to Miakoda, most of this tutorial talk is just not all that interesting)
I am not offended. Even after the tutorial period, I know some people may not care for the writing. Not everyone will like someone's writing entirely.
Last edited by Miakoda on Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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jack1974
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Re: Typos Thread!

Post by jack1974 » Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:18 pm

Franka wrote: This is not the thread for it, but it's really confusing to follow who's talking too. I still can't connect all the names to faces. Maybe, I don't know, maybe there could be a face next to the dialogue box?
Yes I can do that, it's a good idea since there's a huge cast and many scenes have several characters on screen. Will do it on next update :)

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Re: Typos Thread!

Post by kadakithis » Sun Nov 22, 2015 3:43 am

jack1974 wrote: Yes I can do that, it's a good idea since there's a huge cast and many scenes have several characters on screen. Will do it on next update :)
Oh that would be perfect! I know all the characters but sometimes forget who Galina versus Graciela are, and having to remind myself which character is which can take away from immersion.

That said, the Dialogue I find to be fine, but what I really love are the characters themselves. They seem less 2 dimensional than in many Trip A games. Charlotte and her daughter were done really well well, she feels like a young mom. I love Christophes shadiness (which Rigel supports) or even the main characters dynamic as siblings.

Some of the plots themselves may be a little bland or predictable, but part of that is the genre. Sci-fi is more about the action and characters than an explanation why the action is happening.

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Re: Typos Thread!

Post by jack1974 » Sun Nov 22, 2015 7:50 am

You will have some nice surprise on the plot as it moves forward. But yes, it's standard sci-fi stuff, like it was Planet Stronghold, or in some way like are most sci-fi games. Also originally it was written for a TD game, so wasn't really planned to have a lot of texts like now.
What you really need to look for is the characters: I think that Lucius will be a sort milestone for "robotic characters writing" for all my future games. Just wait to read more about him (and other characters of course) in the next updates :)

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Franka
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Re: Typos Thread!

Post by Franka » Thu Dec 03, 2015 7:15 pm

Time to have a look at some of the typos and such. Things to keep in mind:

- I haven't picked all choices, and I've only read through approximately half the team talks currently in the game.

- English is not my first language. I might be wrong about some of these, and there'll be sentences I've picked simply because I find the wording confusing. They might be ok.

- I don't care about commas. I can hardly figure out comma rules in my own language (latest revision: There aren't any damn comma rules!).
Spoiler:
You've obviously you never saw Apex Rahn spawn.
- You've obviously never seen Apex Rahn spawn.

At least we managed to find on something on everyones' lists.
- find something
- everyone's lists.

How do you want to do this Captain? I saw we hit them before they see us.
- I say we hit them

You really should have Mario make you something instead, though he doesn't like adding to many extra ingredients.
- too many extra

It's nice to see someone with a love the outdoors.
- with a love of

I remember when the dropped us off in the far north for a week.
- when they dropped

Oh, trees is one thing but I don't miss in Russia is the winters.
I'm not even sure what you're trying to say here. Maybe; - but what I don't miss

Well, as a teenager, I was a terror through cyberspace.
- throughout cyberspace. ?

Revealing yourself to early means others might have escaped.
- too early

So, have satisfied your interest, Lola?
- have I satisfied

What? Did the Palidrayans' breakthrough?
Stray ' and two words, not one. - What? Did the Palidrayans break through?

No, never. Your sorrows are ours, and wish to bridge them.
- and we wish to

Mario gives flicks his forefinger at the side of the building, and there is a small flash of light at his touch.
- Mario flicks his forefinger

It starts to countdown, showing you have forty-five minutes before it goes off.
- starts to count down,

I know how...sensitive...is your species are about your cubs, so it's probably best we don't speak of it.
- I know how...sensitive...your species is about its cubs,

You've been staring at the computer screen for about 10 mintues.
- minutes.

And this would leave Rigel and Christophe out as well, not unless you came across a very interesting mutagen.
- as well, unless you came

Once I free up some free time, I promise we will go Boragrub hunting.
- Once I free up some time,

It's remarkably how easy one can set aside differences when the bullets fly.
- It's remarkable

Are you sure its safe?
- Are you sure it's safe?

They also serve, those who only stand and wait.
- They also serve, who only stand and wait.

Some mornings, I look at their sand-runners, wonder what it would it be like to join them.
- wonder what it would be like

I think you were fortunate; some Dredans think humans only value is as food.
- some Dredans think the only value of humans is as food.

The Palidrayan attack is devastating is because it works on two levels.
- is devastating because

Do you need anything Healer? You've been in a trance for days. I didn't want to disturbe you.
- to disturb you.

That was the only the crystal plague.
- That was only the crystal plague.

As long as you don't lose me in cave-in, I'll be your company.
- lose me in a cave-in,

That's what you imperials usually say before you put a bullet in someone's spine, and leave your corpse in a shallow grave.
Sounds like we're burying ourselves; - leave the corpse ?

I admit, I'm not as strong as strategy as you, but your victories have taught the Apex Rahn caution...
- as strong at strategy

How many times do I have tell you no, Mira?
- do I have to tell

Only what you've told us, and is in the public record...
- and what's in the public record...

Then put it one of the cells; one capable of keeping it.
- put it in one of the cells

And the Dredan's don't like trespassers.
- Dredans

*sighs* Nothing is every easy, is it?
- ever easy

If save them, it will raise morale, and will be a great help to restore the colony.
- If we save them,

I'm used to expecting the worst, but you take it to an extreme. Why is it?
- Why is that?

Watch out, the Orbis have the anti_organic trait, which means they'll do double damage against your organic units. Mario's Rebuild action card could come handy in this battle.
- anti-organic ?
- could come in handy

I won't fault him for wanting to make colony safe first, though.
- wanting to make the colony safe

I can't say I was surprised. Even we you did good, they'd find something negative to say.
- Even when you did good,

Of course. To report false information would be the waste of everyone's time.
- be a waste of
or - be wasting everyone's

Indeed, what are you doing can be construed as treason.
- what you are doing

Not to mention most of the people are civilians like me. Most aren't even directly tied the military.
- directly tied to the military.

She had thing set up so her geodes would flash with light when the sun first rose in the morning.'
There's a stray ' at the end of the sentence.

I can guarantee that thought will not even bother Diana's.
- bother Diana.

I imagine it part of it gives them comfort to believe in a higher power.
- I imagine part of it is that it gives

We know they serve as a food animals.
- animal.
or maybe just -as food.

Actually we do, but I'm loath to mention it...and is one of the reasons some of are citizens are still missing.
- and it's one of the reasons some of our citizens are still missing.

You have a point, but then don't you see everyone as a potential threat, even you closest friends?
- your closest

You look in wreckage of the station, and what Mizuki says is true: a good portion of people are indeed gone.
- in the wreckage
- a good portion of the people

You're not as far off as you expect, Galina.
- as you might expect ?

So who's ass are you going to pull out of the fire?
- whose ass

Not that I would be broken hearted if your brain wound up floating in a jar, but some of your friends my take it a bit amiss.
- friends might take it

Although, I have to ask: what are you going to do with that Robobrian head?
- Robobrain :)))

Heaven's no! There are enough hints of impropriety with you as my sister.
- Heavens

Unless some has need of me, I think I'm going to go lay down.
- go lie down.

You're welcome. Um, sorry I get no get any pictures.
- sorry I did not get

Diana chuckles slightly, and raises both arms up as if she was giving up.
- as if she is giving up.

I'm not saying, but it depends on how good at clairvoyance for you to find out.
I'm not entirely sure what's being said here, maybe - but it depends on how good you are at clairvoyance if you are to find out.

Usually they're trying to pincushion out of my chest.
- trying to make a pincushion

Are the Palidrayans' marching on the colony?
Stray ' in there

It takes sibling rivalry to a whole other level. Call me morbid, but how did I do?
Yes Captain, you did, but barely.
These two sentences following each other don't work. Maybe - Call me morbid, but did I survive?

You take a look around, and the distant city lights reinforces just how deep you are in Maradan territory.
- reinforce

They were recalled on account something was wrong with the coolant system.
- on account of something being wrong

You're right. It's almost scary how I feel about the two of them.
It's almost scary how I feel about the two of them.
Second sentence follows the first one, redundancy.

No, just a side projects for Soulmates.
- project

I can assure you that that various pictures you see weren't manipulated.
- that the various

It would be do you little good to find your one-true love, and they happen to be on Arcturus.
- It would do you

There is a lot strain on long distant relationships, especially if it is measured in parsecs.
- a lot of strain
- long distance relationships

As the others converse, you see Mizuki hasn't gone to far before you see her scrunched in the corner of the hall.
- gone too far

You want me to try and hunt him down? Mind you, it won't do much good until its washed.
- until it's washed.

Maybe you can get Diana to join. However, you can hold your contest your way, and I will hold mine may way.
- hold mine my way.

Perhaps you would like join me in exploring them.
- would like to join

Normally I would agree with you, but not when I know what kissing piece of sandpaper feels like.
- kissing a piece

You can hear rushing as it enters and exits the area.What is more disturbing is that you see several barrels on the ground. There is several squiggles on the side, writing you don't recognize.
Missing space - the area. What is
- There are several

Unfortunately, almost anyone can open it with a sneeze and bobby pin.
- and a bobby pin.

Only after making sure she doesn't accidentally shoot, you lift her head.
- you lift your head.

There is a small amount of mirth to Kaden's statement, but there is a steel in his eye which indicates he believes what he said.
- a gleam of steel ? - a hint of steel ?

For someone thinking going into politics, that would scuttle your career before it began.
- thinking of going into

Actually, you are one of the few aren't afraid of me.
- few who aren't

That's a problem when you become among the best at what you do.
- when you become one of the best

Troyen
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Re: Typos Thread!

Post by Troyen » Thu Dec 03, 2015 9:52 pm

Most of Franka's suggestions look good. Here's a few additional comments:
Spoiler:
Franka wrote:They also serve, those who only stand and wait.
- They also serve, who only stand and wait.
I'm not sure about this change. Depends on context?
Some mornings, I look at their sand-runners, wonder what it would it be like to join them.
- wonder what it would be like
I think this would be better as:
- ...I look at their sand-runners and wonder what it...
If save them, it will raise morale, and will be a great help to restore the colony.
- If we save them,
I think it should be "in restoring the colony"?
Watch out, the Orbis have the anti_organic trait, which means they'll do double damage against your organic units. Mario's Rebuild action card could come handy in this battle.
- anti-organic ?
- could come in handy
- Watch out! The Orbis have...
I can't say I was surprised. Even we you did good, they'd find something negative to say.
- Even when you did good,
Tenses don't match. Should be:
- they found...
(Also, "when you did good" is more correct than the original, but still sounds weird. I don't have the context, but it seems like it should be along the lines of "Even when you helped them out"?)
Of course. To report false information would be the waste of everyone's time.
- be a waste of
or - be wasting everyone's
The first one, unless you change it to "Reporting false information wastes everyone's time."
We know they serve as a food animals.
- animal.
or maybe just -as food.
"as food" sounds better.
You have a point, but then don't you see everyone as a potential threat, even you closest friends?
- your closest
I think you should break the last fragment into it's own sentence:
...as a potential threat? Even your closest friends?
Not that I would be broken hearted if your brain wound up floating in a jar, but some of your friends my take it a bit amiss.
- friends might take it
I believe "brokenhearted" is one word.
Unless some has need of me, I think I'm going to go lay down.
- go lie down.
-someone

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