The nitpicking thread

[yayswords]

Main twin, visiting the north gate for the first time
It's my impression, or it's more guarded than the south gate?
Is it just my impression, or is it more guarded than the south gate?

Riley, soon after
Assuming someone is so fool to try it.
Assuming someone is foolish enough to try it.

[yayswords]

Riley, trying to get the memory crystal back
Then why sell it at a store, where they're only going to offer you half the price they'll be reselling it?
...reselling it at.

[yayswords]

Main twin, dialogue before ant queen
I spotted also a chest in that corner...
I also spotted

[yayswords]

Riley, flashback
[...] that would let me move much faster than anyone else's!
than anyone else.

Also I'm skipping a lot of text so don't think everything between my reports is fine! :D

[fabulaparva]

Act 1, chapter 2, after finding the wolf, at the healers:
Shagala: "Ah, Althea, good to see you?" Maybe a period or exclamation mark would be better instead of the question mark.

(OK, this is not really a typo, but right after that,if you are visiting Shagala as Althea and Althea comments on the taste of bitterberry:
Shagala: "That's what Shea said too." I'd just drop the 'too' from the end, and voila, we'd have sort of a very bad "that's what she said"-pun. )


1st time at the South Gate of Dingirra:
Riley: "Is the main entrance into the town. But don't get any ideas, understood?"
Should be, "It is the main entrance.."

[yayswords]

Item names are rank with language errors, and I'm not talking about WarHammer and BroadSword (though I'd love to see those names fixed too). Could we get all the prefixes and suffixes posted? If it's not as easy as copy/paste I suppose I will report them as I catch them, but it would be preferable to fix them all in one fell swoop.

[jack1974]

They changed based on the attributes, and either use a prefix or a suffix. Like can have for a Rare Fire Sword:
Rare Sword of Burning
Rare Flaming Sword
and so on.
I can copy paste pieces of code, should be obvious what are the text (are between " "):

Code: Select all

            if itemQ=="Rusty":
                nameQ=renpy.random.choice(["Rusty","Cracked","Ruined","Old"])
            elif itemQ=="Standard":
                nameQ=renpy.random.choice(["Common","Standard","Regular"])
            elif itemQ=="Fine" or nameQ=="Quality":
                nameQ=renpy.random.choice(["Fine","Uncommon","Fine Steel","Handcrafted","Valuable"])
                BoCh=3
            elif itemQ=="Excellent" or nameQ=="Masterwork":
                nameQ=renpy.random.choice(["Masterwork","Superior","Quality","Treasured","Refined"])
                BoCh=4
            elif itemQ=="Rare":
                nameQ=renpy.random.choice(["Rare","Exotic","Excellent","Fabled","Exquisite"])
                BoCh=5

Code: Select all

                if RndInt(0,5)<3:#prefix
                    if nameE=="Fire" or nameE=="Burning":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Fire","Fiery","Flaming","Burning","Incandescent","Glowing","Flickering","Blazing"])
                    if nameE=="Water" or nameE=="Frozen":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Water","Icy","Freezing","Frozen","Cold","Glacial","Frosty","Brisk","Flowing","Surging"])
                    if nameE=="Air" or nameE=="Tired":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Air","Flying","Wind","Blowing","Ethereal","Wispy","Breezy","Howling","Tempestuous"])
                    if nameE=="Earth" or nameE=="Shattered":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Earth","Nature","Shaking","Trembling","Engulfing","Entangling","Wild","Savage"])
                    if nameE=="Dark" or nameE=="Poisoned":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Dark","Poison","Venomous","Obscure","Black","Shadowed","Demonic","Blighted","Infernal","Shady"])
                    if nameE=="Paralyzed":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Freedom","Unstoppable",])
                    if nameE=="Weakened":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Strong","Powerful",])
                    if nameE=="Scared":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Brave","Valiant",])
                    if nameE=="Slowed":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Quickness","Nimble",])
                    if nameE=="Confused":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Clarity","Willpower",])
                    self.item["Name"]=nameQ+" "+nameE+" "+self.item["Name"]
                else:#suffix
                    if nameE=="Fire" or nameE=="Burning":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Fire","of Inferno","of Flames","of Burning","of Blaze","of Heat"])
                    if nameE=="Water" or nameE=="Frozen":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Water","of Ice","of Freeze","of Oceans","of Rivers","of Underwater"])
                    if nameE=="Air" or nameE=="Tired":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Air","of Flying","of Wind","of Clouds","of Storms","of Lightning","of Cyclone"])
                    if nameE=="Earth" or nameE=="Shattered":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Earth","of Nature","of Shaking","of Earthquakes","of Wilderness","of Savage"])
                    if nameE=="Dark" or nameE=="Poisoned":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Darkness","of the Damned","of Evil","of the Obscure","of Blackness","of Shadows","of Demons"])
                    if nameE=="Paralyzed":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Freedom","of the Unstoppable",])
                    if nameE=="Weakened":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of the Strong","of the Powerful",])
                    if nameE=="Scared":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of the Brave","of the Valiant",])
                    if nameE=="Slowed":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Quickness","of the Nimble",])
                    if nameE=="Confused":
                        nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Clarity","of Willpower",])

Code: Select all

                    if RndInt(0,5)<3:#prefix
                        if n=="Damage" or n=="Attack":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Hurting","Bloody","Lethal","Damaging","Wounding"])
                        if n=="Speed":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Dazzling","Scouting","Raiding","Dashing"])
                        if n=="Defense":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Parrying","Defensive","Mending","Fortified"])
                        if n=="Magic":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Clever","Sly","Enchanted","Imbued"])
                        if n=="SPRegen":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Refreshing","Powerful","Energized","Restoring"])
                        if n=="HPRegen":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Regenerating","Healthy","Hearty","Blessed"])
                        if n=="Critical Hit":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Accurate","Skillful","Precise","Deadly"])
                        if n=="Threshold":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["Invincible","Resistant","Resilient"])
                        self.item["Name"]=nameQ+" "+nameE+" "+self.item["Name"]
                    else:
                        if n=="Damage":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Slaughtering","of Blood","of Death","of Wounding",])
                        if n=="Speed":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Speed","of the Nimble","of Quickness"])
                        if n=="Attack":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Attack","of Offense","of Submission"])
                        if n=="Defense":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Defense","of Hope","of Justice"])
                        if n=="Magic":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Arcane","of Magic","of Power"])
                        if n=="SPRegen":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Vigor","of Stamina","of Energy"])
                        if n=="HPRegen":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Regeneration","of Health","of Vitality"])
                        if n=="Critical Hit":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of Accuracy","of Critical Hit","of Precision"])
                        if n=="Threshold":
                            nameE=renpy.random.choice(["of the Invincible","of Resistance","of Resilience"])

[yayswords]

Excellent.

Got no remarks on the item quality block, but let's hit the resistances. The following words are not adjectives, although in some cases they might sound okay anyway, but it would be better to use adjectives I think.
Fire -> Fiery, but you already have that so could just remove it.
Water -> Watery
Air -> Airy
Earth -> Earthen
Freedom -> Free
Quickness -> Quick
Clarity -> Clairvoyant
Willpower -> Willful

And the suffixes, a bit more down to feeling and opinion here, but I think a lot of them would sound better with a "the" added or in plural form. And generally I think the verbs should be nouns.
of Inferno -> of the Inferno or of Infernos
of Blaze -> of the Blaze or of Blazes
of Freeze -> of Frost
of Underwater -> Think this one is better ditched than fixed. How about "of Rain" instead?
of Flying -> of Flight
of Cyclone -> of the Cyclone or of Cyclones (this one made me request the list )
of Savage -> of Savagery, if anything, but it still makes me think RAWR KRIMM +ATTACK and not earth resistance. Maybe... "of Stones"?

Furthermore, Infernal from the Dark block makes me think it should be fire-related (fire even has "of Inferno"). It might just be a common misconception though.

For the last block I don't have much to say!
of Critical Hit -> of Fatality (weren't you going to rename the trait like this BTW?)
of Arcane -> of the Arcane, in that case. Maybe "of Arcana"? How about... "of Mysteries"!
Restoring -> Restorative. This is very much a feeling/opinion thing I would change this yet I would not change Regenerating to Regenerative.
Energized -> Energizing. Same deal, tiny nuance change, just suggesting it while I'm at it.

Now don't go changing this stuff posthaste. I will be disappointed if no one else has opinions on all this

[yayswords]

I'm not sure what you write and what Taleweaver writes but the dialogue for buying a Clearmind Potion (and probably the other items too) needs fixing. Sure it's a little thicker with language errors, but more importantly it's breaking immersion left right and center. If you wrote it I think Mr. Weaver could look through it. ALSO (although this isn't a nitpick), don't make me go through the entire dialogue every time I wanna buy a potion o.o

Tip for not having to figure out a way to describe the item with 100% mathematical accuracy: First one is free and we can look at it in our inventory.

P.S. Krimm is an idiot, I don't keep mana potions around.

[jack1974]

Yes I wrote all those family rewards myself, should have someone check them indeed. Will do it
Also maybe describe the item in a different way, less immersion-breaking. As for getting one free!??! Dingirra gives you nothing for free!