And now for something different

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Franka
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Re: And now for something different

Post by Franka » Wed Sep 07, 2016 7:10 pm

I played through different incarnations of Corpse Party, and sometimes enjoyed myself. I think I can cope. Unless you want to write uncomfortably detailed scenes of digging eyeballs out with a spoon. That part was unsettling.

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jack1974
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Re: And now for something different

Post by jack1974 » Wed Sep 07, 2016 7:14 pm

Franka wrote:Unless you want to write uncomfortably detailed scenes of digging eyeballs out with a spoon. That part was unsettling.
:lol:
Haha not my kind of games!

I enjoyed Until Dawn, even if a lot of people died in my first/only playthrough (no time to try multiple times).

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aeroprism
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Re: And now for something different

Post by aeroprism » Wed Sep 07, 2016 7:44 pm

Jack specifically asked me to avoid useless gore or even gore in general, which is fine by me since I do not care one bit for the genre.

I'm looking at scenes that challenge you emotionally. Have you seen District 9? The scene where Wikus is forced to use alien weapons and kill an innocent test subject? Albeit ( ;-) ) it has nothing to do with my setting, this would be a good parallel example.

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aeroprism
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Re: And now for something different

Post by aeroprism » Wed Sep 07, 2016 8:08 pm

So let's say I bring an answer to three questions that were brought up in the last few posts.

1- If there is no eye scooping, what exactly is the mood for this game?
2- What does it look like when the narrator uses only the present tense?
3- Can this guy write sentences more elaborate than "See Dick. See Jane. See Spot Run. Run Spot Run."

and here is a bonus question, because I'm generous like that:

4- Will this game be awesome?

Here is a short answer in ~500 words. Ignore the language errors, this is an uncorrected draft.

Comment, suggest, discuss. You have an opportunity to make this game better BEFORE you buy it!

------------

At first it feels like I’m normally waking up but this dishonest bliss doesn’t last more than a few short seconds. The surroundings are once more all too familiar: the sickly lighting, the overpowering sterile smell and the lack of any ambient sound; I’m in “that” room again.

I’m reminded of my mauled shoulder. What will they do to me this time?

I try to look around but I can’t move. Just like before, I am physically paralyzed. I can still see and hear, so long as I’m content with seeing what’s directly in front of me. Is this predicament of mine an intentional setup or do 'they' still lack the means necessary to keep me effectively sedated? I’m guessing the latter, which implies that until a few moments ago, I was 'sleeping' with my eyes opened and that the drug they used wore out just enough to let my consciousness sneak back in. The whole idea makes my stomach turn. How long will it be before the drug weakens enough to allow me to move my eyes and have a true field of view? Last time I was in here and in such a state, I was only given a minute or two before being drugged again. We’ll find out soon enough, I’m sure.

This time however, I’m not lying on a bed. I’m installed on a more or less vertical surface, a table which is angled at maybe 10 degrees. The drug in my system makes me essentially motionless but I’m not sliding down this table ; I assume that I am tightly bound in place, a functional way to keep a paralyzed person standing upright. But for what purpose?

The sound of a door opening reaches my ears. I can’t turn my head or orient my eyes so I have no idea who it is. I can’t even decide if it’s someone coming in or going out. With my current luck, I expect Dr. Hunt is back to “treat” me. This is all extremely unsettling.What sort of a drug hits hard enough to paralyze even your optic muscles but lets you breathe normally?

The newcomers finally come in sight and I am almost relieved to see that Dr. Hunt is not among them. These two are… nurses I guess. They wear the same kind of greyish scrubs worn by the man who scared Connie out of my room. An unwelcome sight; my mind is quick to remember that this uniform means trouble. So one man and one woman, pushing a sort of wheeled platform on which stands a restraining surface that’s probably the same type as the one I am bound to.

This is as far as my relief goes however. Doctor Hunt may not be part of this ongoing scene, someone else is and I was not expecting to see that person becoming part of my own private hell. This presence sends me into a spiral filled with more questions, deeper doubts and a much darker fear.

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Franka
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Re: And now for something different

Post by Franka » Wed Sep 07, 2016 8:50 pm

aeroprism wrote:Jack specifically asked me to avoid useless gore or even gore in general, which is fine by me since I do not care one bit for the genre.
Well, the first person description of the grating sound made by a metal spoon scraping against the inside of that person's skull did elicit an emotional response, and it wasn't one of comfort. :lol:
Have you seen District 9? The scene where Wikus is forced to use alien weapons and kill an innocent test subject? Albeit ( ;-) ) it has nothing to do with my setting, this would be a good parallel example.
Sadly, I cannot stand District 9, though that probably has more to do with my aversion to the "documentary" presentation, which I rank about as low as "found footage" in the greater scheme of storytelling "tricks." Consequently, anything from that movie is pretty much tainted to me.

Anyway, reading through your example text, I think the present tense works perfectly fine. I find it immersive and immediate. Ooga like too.

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jack1974
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Re: And now for something different

Post by jack1974 » Wed Sep 07, 2016 9:16 pm

Just wanted to say that District 9 is one of my favorite movies ever 8) and I'm not fond of the documentary presentation either!

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DarkWolf
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Re: And now for something different

Post by DarkWolf » Thu Sep 08, 2016 12:51 am

Regarding horror with no gore I wanted to say that horror with no gore can sometimes turn up far scarier then your classical guts everywhere horror. Also I myself like horrors that concentrate more on psychology and drama then on gore and they are definitely a lot more rare.

I also agree with Jack that it is ok for story to have sad moments as long as you have at least one happy ending. In Japan there are two different genres when it comes to sad VNs Nakige (Crying games) and Utsuge (Depressing games) the latter concentrate on being depressing from beginning to an end with goal to make reader depressed and I don't like that genre at all Nakige on the other hand have a lot of sad moments with goal to make a reader cry but they often have happy endings and I like them.

Regarding a sample of story, this sentence "We’ll find out soon enough, I’m sure." seems a bit off to me, it makes it seem like the guy in the text isn't very concord about what is going to happen to him, like oh well we'll find out soon there is no point thinking about it now. Also as a story is told from a first prescriptive present time and he seems to be the only person in that situation shouldn't it be "I" and not "we"?

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Re: And now for something different

Post by Troyen » Thu Sep 08, 2016 3:28 am

aeroprism wrote:Soooo... considering that Winterwolves's games more often than none end up with "and they all dated ever after", how do you guys feel about a really, really unfair story?
Have you seen the Chalassa ending? ;)

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aeroprism
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Re: And now for something different

Post by aeroprism » Thu Sep 08, 2016 11:56 am

@DarkWolf, you are correct with your first assumption: the character does not know what is going to happen but has been through so much in the last day, he knows it's pointless to worry, what will happen, will happen. As for your second point: there are no double quotes surrounding that phrase. This means it's an internal monologue and the usage of the first person plural in such a case is very, very common.

@Troyen: No, I have not (yet).

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DarkWolf
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Re: And now for something different

Post by DarkWolf » Thu Sep 08, 2016 12:34 pm

Troyen wrote:
aeroprism wrote:Soooo... considering that Winterwolves's games more often than none end up with "and they all dated ever after", how do you guys feel about a really, really unfair story?
Have you seen the Chalassa ending? ;)
Spoiler:
But that is only if you don't do her quest and get her bad ending, her true ending both original and DLC are pretty happy

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