As a native speaker of English:aeroprism wrote:So many different opinions... we'll just have to wait and see I guess. No dount Jack has a few good beta-readers to give me further advice.
Speaking of beta reading; the English language can kill me with its verb tenses... The (entire) story is seen through the eyes of a narrator that is present and involved. All actions and facts are told and reported as immediate statements. So all of you who speak English as their first language (because it isn't mine), please tell me if the following is correct:
“That’s enough. We were tasked with bringing them both here and leave at once. I may not have been here as long as you but I have been long enough to know how doctor Hunt doesn’t tolerate insubordination!” The woman adds. Albeit my own fear and outrage, I could not help but notice how her voice sounded like she was pleading.
It should read: “That’s enough. We were tasked with bringing them both here and leaving at once. I may not have been here as long as you but I have been long enough to know how Doctor Hunt doesn’t tolerate insubordination!” The woman adds. Albeit my own fear and outrage, I could not help but notice how her voice sounded like she was pleading.
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Other than those two minor things this seems like the making of something cool!
Best o' Luck w/ it!