Typos and Edit Suggestions Thread

A fantasy otome RPG about three young thieves with special skills
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fabulaparva
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Typos and Edit Suggestions Thread

Post by fabulaparva » Mon Jul 18, 2016 2:10 am

Hiyas,
I decided to start this separate thread for posting the occasional typos in the story to make it easier to see what's been reported already. Please use spoilers here, especially if you post stuff happening after the demo.


Story typos:
Spoiler:
Lysander meets the Stranger for the first time:
The mirror return to normal.
'returned'

Lysander and the sisters meet again
Joanne: Of course not, but you made it sound urgent. If I had time I would have happily gone to see you if you wrote to me.
'gone' feels weird to me here. 'come' ?

The sisters go to the tavern the first time

Moirgane: Here are you drinks. Will there be anything else?
'your'

Kira looked the girl up and down. Moirgane has what some would call 'child-bearing hips'. She thought about agreeing with her but then thought better of it.
'had'

Thalia visiting the smithy
It had been a really fun time when her and her sisters visited but this time she wanted some alone time with the smith.
'she' ?

The girl found Mary-Ann ….. Some of them look like they had just been freshly polished whereas others were obviously waiting for their turn on the stone.
'looked' ?

During the first story advancing robbery (I think)
Joanne:
We found nothing on the upper floors so perhaps the clerk is hides his archives down here.
'is hiding' ?

Kira visiting Fredrick (the second time?)
Fredrick:
Oh, well thanks anyway. I'm grateful for you getting me out of the before I really did hit him.
'there' or a word missing?

Thalia visiting Therjalla
It didn't help most of them were usually noble sons and daughters who couldn't advance in politics so went for religion instead.
'so they went' ?

same scene:
It was coming in the direction she was heading.
It was coming from the direction she was heading in. ?
Info and Help screens : Typos and edit suggestions
Using Gems (when the girls get the first gem from their dad)
In this game, armors have all same properties, so you can dress up the sisters how you like. You can use the gems you'll find in the game to make them more powerful though. We're now going to see how it works.
Suggestion to edit:
In this game, you can choose the girls' outfits by looks only as all armors have the same stats. You can improve these basic stats with gems. We're now going to see how this works.

Quick Help (On the inventory screen, when clicking on weapon)
You can click on any armor to add gems to its socket, but you can't do this with weapons or while in a shop. Try it again while you're on the inventory screen.
Since 'gems' is in plural: 'gems to its sockets'

Using Gems
Add precious gems to this item's sockets to assign stats to it. Click on a gem, then on a socket to add the gem, or vice versa. To empty a socket, use the buttons at the bottom. Click confirm once you're happy with the result.
Editing suggestion:
Assign stats to this item by placing gems into its sockets. Click on a gem and then on a socket to add it, or vice versa. Use the buttons at the bottom of the screen to remove gems. Click confirm once you're done.


Robbery Mission info/intro (noble houses)
...Those nobles have less gold coin than merchants, but more money that they convert into precious gems. You can resell or use the gems to improve your equipment....

If you want to cut down the repetition, as the bit about selling gems or using them in sockets was already explained earlier, you could just cut these two sentences down to this short snippet:
'The nobles tend to convert their wealth into precious gems.'

Robbery Mission info/intro (guards' houses)
...They made money fighting for the Capello family and are the most dangerous type.
Edit suggestion:
...They made their fortune fighting for the Capello family and their houses are the most dangerous targets to rob.

Robbery Mission info/intro (guards' houses)
Robbing those people will be more dangerous than it's worth in term of money, but you will gain more experience than anywhere else.
'in terms of money'

Upon visiting a location with no scenes.. you get:
Joanne found nothing interest going on at the market today, so decided to go elsewhere.
Should be either 'nothing interesting' or 'nothing of interest'
plus there's a 'she' missing later: 'so she decided'

It's been a crazy week(&end) so this is how far my notes go so far. Skills next :P

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jack1974
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Re: Typos and Edit Suggestions Thread

Post by jack1974 » Mon Jul 18, 2016 5:58 am

Thanks, I just updated the game to fix the bug you reported. I'll wait until there's a good amount of typos to start looking at them :)

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