Version 1.5.8 testing

A sci-fi RPG game
Grodul
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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by Grodul » Sun Apr 20, 2014 5:20 pm

Miakoda wrote:Save locations may depend on your OS, but Windows 7 typically has it at C/Users/Owner/AppData/Roaming/RenPy/Planet_Stronghold_1.5
Owner will vary depending on the name you have for your computer.
Thank you Miakoda for your help there. Indeed I did neglect to mention that I was using Windows 7.

I was wondering if you would let me comment on some of the things you have found there.

1: Is it really supposed to be "If you have a high Sneak Skill,..."? Couldn't you say it without an 'a'?

2: I didn't find anything too weird with the sentence "A small group of Arnox Scouts is attacking an unknown type of Apex". We are talking about a one group here. For example, I personally would say "That small pack of wolves is heading east".
"Now, hold on a minute. I'm currently speculating."

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Miakoda
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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by Miakoda » Sun Apr 20, 2014 5:31 pm

Grodul wrote:I was wondering if you would let me comment on some of the things you have found there.
Go ahead. But yeah, looking at it already, I made a couple mistakes as well.
1: Is it really supposed to be "If you have a high Sneak Skill,..."? Couldn't you say it without an 'a'?
You're right. One doesn't need the 'a'. The main reason I suggested it is that when I read the sentence aloud, it flowed a little better for me.
2: I didn't find anything too weird with the sentence "A small group of Arnox Scouts is attacking an unknown type of Apex". We are talking about a one group here. For example, I personally would say "That small pack of wolves is heading east".
Definitely a mistake on my part. I didn't notice 'of Arnox Scouts' as being a prepositional phrase, and not the subject. Sorry Jack1974, mea culpa.

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jack1974
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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by jack1974 » Sun Apr 20, 2014 6:11 pm

No problems :)

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jack1974
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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by jack1974 » Mon Apr 21, 2014 8:20 am

Grodul, got the save and fixed it. Now you can go OVER 199, but only once in case your current level is 198 and adding 1 point of skill make you go over it. So now you can unlock the achievement at any difficulty level :)
Do you have Steam? If so PM me for a code, I would prefer if you test the game there :) thanks

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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by Grodul » Mon Apr 21, 2014 8:40 am

I took another look at Miakodas examples and decided to comment on another few. Not all are necessarily corrections, but I wish to bring forth my point of view.
Miakoda wrote:Original:
Rumi Kai
He a good person. I am blind but I trust every decision he makes. He has a good aura, and a good heart, I can feel it.

Suggestion:
Adding an 'is' after 'He', and a comma after blind to get:
He is a good person. I am blind, but I trust every decision he makes. He has a good aura, and a good heart, I can feel it.
I agree with Miakodas correction here, but I would like to propose that the comma that comes after the word 'aura' is also removed, so that we would get:
"He is a good person. I am blind, but I trust every decision he makes. He has a good aura and a good heart, I can feel it."
Miakoda wrote:Original:
Tom Shatz
Well, the only way to know is to get inside and explore it.

Suggestion:
Change 'get' to 'go' to get:
Well, the only way to know is to go inside and explore it.
In this case I'd think that both ways are equally good expressions. The only difference I get is that the expression "go inside" gives me an image about carefully walking inside a cavern like during a Sunday stroll, whereas the expression "get inside" gives me an image about rushing inside a cavern weapons aimed. And same thing with following example:
Miakoda wrote:Original:
Joshua Nelson:
All right. Let's get inside!

Suggestion:
As above, I suggest making 'get' to 'go'. You can also make this one sentence along the lines of:
Alright, let's go inside!
So these were the my opinions. I am not aiming step anyones toes here, but if someone has more insight on the matter, I'd like to learn more.
jack1974 wrote:Grodul, got the save and fixed it. Now you can go OVER 199, but only once in case your current level is 198 and adding 1 point of skill make you go over it. So now you can unlock the achievement at any difficulty level :)
Do you have Steam? If so PM me for a code, I would prefer if you test the game there :) thanks
Roger that, Jack! In a moment. Also, is it possible to rise a skill up till level 200? Because it would be sad if the same thing happened with skill at level 197. And because the requirement for the achievement was ">=199".
"Now, hold on a minute. I'm currently speculating."

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jack1974
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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by jack1974 » Mon Apr 21, 2014 8:53 am

Yes in practice the "skill increase" stops whenever you go past 199 (so 200 and over). So 198+5, 197+5, etc. Then once the skill value is over 200, you can't raise it anymore.
Regarding the fixes, I think will just fix TYPOS or big grammar mistakes, but not go too much in detail about what version is better :mrgreen:

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Miakoda
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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by Miakoda » Mon Apr 21, 2014 11:55 am

So these were the my opinions. I am not aiming step anyones toes here, but if someone has more insight on the matter, I'd like to learn more.
No worries Grodul. Get/Go are fine in retrospect. I needed to I step away from the screen yesterday for that reason, seeing a problem that wasn't there. Staring at the text for too long can do that ;)
Regarding the fixes, I think will just fix TYPOS or big grammar mistakes, but not go too much in detail about what version is better :mrgreen:
Nope, no one is asking you to judge ;) The main intent is to just fix Typos or Big Grammar Mistakes.


Original:
King Oscar
Absolutely. It is in our best interest not have him against us. We can deal with him after we've attended to more urgent matters.

Suggestion:
Put a 'to' before 'have', and make 'interest' a plural:
Absolutely. It is in our best interests not to have him against us. We can deal with him after we've attended to more urgent matters.


Original:
Joshua Nelson
Wow. Sounds something incredibly powerful!

Suggestion:
The 'something' makes the sentence a bit confusing. Were you going for: Wow. Something sounds incredibly powerful!

Or, the 'something' can be removed, and make the sentence stronger:
Wow. Sounds incredibly powerful!

Original:
Phillip Koenig
Yes, that's why is extremely well defended. It is in a sort of robot facility. The central computer AI took over the place and now is guarding the item as a relic.

Suggestion:
I'd add an 'it' after 'why' to get: Yes, that's why it is extremely well defended.
Last edited by Miakoda on Tue Apr 22, 2014 7:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Grodul
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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by Grodul » Mon Apr 21, 2014 1:23 pm

It's my turn again to post something.

While exploring Apex Rahn sector I was caught in a trap and found myself in a middle of a Robobrain ambush. After the battle the main character makes the following statement:
“The first thing to do is repair door opening mechanism. Until it’s fixed, we can’t try to force it open by hacking it or lockpicking it.”

I would add a ‘to’ in front of repair and maybe, just maybe, also add ‘the’ in front of the door (I am not too certain of it though). I would also remove the word ‘it’ from both after hacking and lockpicking. In addition I'd switch the 'it' before 'open' with 'the door'. This way we would get following:
“The first thing to do is to repair (the) door opening mechanism. Until it’s fixed, we can’t try to force the door open by hacking or lockpicking.”


After rescuing Arnox Warchief from Apex sector and meeting him again on the Arnox sector he gives us the quest about eliminating three Arnox sentinels. During this conversation he makes this statement: “No, otherwise I would have to resort to this violent measure.”

We can see that something is missing here. I believe that word ‘not’ was intended between ‘would’ and ‘have’, so that we get: “No, otherwise I would not have to resort to this violent measure.”


Once all the races are united and we go to report Marada's Queen Shiler, she starts to list who we have on board in the alliance. When she is at the Matrick people, she states:
"The Matricks, free from King Rock tiranny have joined the alliance."

I believe we need to add genetive for King Rock and let's replace tiranny's 'i' with 'y' so we get:
"The Matricks, free from King Rock's tyranny have joined the alliance."

Right after that last one Shiler states about Apex race: "You've defeated the Alpha Apex and become respected by the Apex race that have joined the alliance."
In this case we should replace 'have' with 'has', because we are talking about a race as a whole, so that we get: ""You've defeated the Alpha Apex and become respected by the Apex race that has joined the alliance."


After reporting Shiler about uniting the races and asking about main characters origins I decided to ask what happens next. To this Prince Cliff stated: "You need to locate the origins of the disturbance signal yet, Nelson."

This sounds a bit off, so could we replace the word 'yet' with 'still' and add it to the beginning of the sentence before the word locate like this: "You need to still locate the origins of the disturbance signal, Nelson."

Still searching for more...
"Now, hold on a minute. I'm currently speculating."

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Miakoda
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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by Miakoda » Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:00 pm

I tried to focus on noticeable mistakes, etc.


Anyways, here are some more typos:

Original
Philipp Koenig
Yes, there's ony the central computer to hack now!

Suggestion:
'ony' should 'only' to get
Yes, there's only the central computer to hack now!


Original:
Michelle Lafleur
So, have made up your mind? Do you want to come with me to check the place where Marcus was killed to see if he finished his pistol.

Suggestion:
The first sentence feels a bit incomplete. I'd include a 'you' after 'have' in the first sentence to get:
So, have you made up your mind?


Original:
Joshua Nelson:
All right, meet you in the hangar in few minutes.

Suggestion:
I think you should put an 'a' before 'few' to get:
All right, meet you in teh hangar in a few minutes.

Original:
Quest Updated "The Weaponsmith"
The gun was dissassembled and hidden in several places, we must retrieve all the pieces to reassemble the gun.

Suggestion:
"dissassembled" is misspelled. It should be "disassembled"

Original:
Michelle Lafleur
Marcus was a terrible person but...after all this time...I guess we still have feelings for each other.

Suggestion:
I would suggest changing 'have' to the past tense, 'had'.
Marcus was a terrible person but...after all this time...I guess we still had feelings for each other.

Original
Rebecca Fox
We need to train if we want to defeat King Rock, it's unavoidable collateral damage.

Suggestion:
I'd suggest either making the comma into a semicolon. One could also make two separate sentences at that point.



Original:
(I think Nelson says it)
Hmm...looks like we'll have to fight...but someone with high Charisma could, perhaps, convince them?

Suggestion:
There is no typo or grammar error in this sentence. This is a dialogue which appears when you are dealing with the three Arnox sentinels. Obviously, if you are allied to Prince Cliff it is a great option. However, I was allied with King 'kill all aliens' Oscar. As such, I doubt Nelson would entertain the thought of convincing the Arnox.

Note that when the options come up, you don't have an option to talk on the Oscar route, so that seems fine.

Original
Matrick:
I thought you could ask that.

Suggestion:
There is nothing wrong with the sentence, but I think it might be better if you used 'would' instead of 'could'.

Original:
Michelle Lafleur
What you think we should do, Joshua? They're not exactly going to welcome us in.

Suggestion:
You need a 'do' after 'What' to get:
What do you think we should do, Joshua?

Original:
Nelson:
I'm setting them up for doubt. I've intimidate their leader, and now they'll second guess themselves..

Suggestion:
You have two periods at the end of the last sentence above. You could remove one period, or if you were going for an ellipsis, it needs a third dot.

Original:
Michelle is back and the time flies fast. I must admit I'm having fun. While Rumi still tries to keep her composture, Michelle is really extroverted.

Suggestion:
I believe you want 'composure' instead of 'composture'.

Original:
Michelle Lefleur
I don't want to disappoint you but...one of the reasons I broke with Marcus was because I discovered I like women.

Suggestion:
Not a typo per se, but you may want to go with 'broke up' as breaking up is definitely used more for ending relationships.

Original:
Michelle Lefleur
I think is better if we go now.

Suggestion:
There should be an it after 'think'. You can contract it with 'is' and get:
I think it's better if we go now.

Original:
Michelle Lefleur
Hi, Joshua. How is going?

Suggestion:
There should be an 'it' after 'is' to get:
Hi, Joshua. How is it going?

Original:
Joshua Nelson
Fine thanks. I was just taking a break.

Suggestion:
You need a comma after 'Fine' to get:
Fine, thanks. I was just taking a break.

Original:
Joshua Nelson
...or use Repair Skill to fix this abandoned mining laser and destory the stone from a distance.

Suggestion:
You misspelled 'destroy' (You have 'destory')

Original:
King Oscar
Yes is true! You've made it Nelson! I dare say that Queen Shiler was right, you're the true descendant of John Nelson!

Suggestion:
The first sentence is a fragment.
There should be an 'it' after the 'Yes'. You could make it a contraction if you wish to get:
Yes, it's true!

Original:
King Oscar
Take this weapon, Nelson. It was a gift of my father, I want you to use it.

Suggestion:
I'd suggest a conjunction after father like 'and'. I'd also suggest using 'from' instead of 'of' after gift. You don't have to, but 'from' makes it feel like it is a direct gift from Oscar's line.


Original:
Android Lucille
Indeed. But there's some good news at least. They're not ready yet to launch an attack on our base.

Suggestion:
Put the 'yet' before 'ready', and not after it to get:
...They're not yet ready to launch an attack on our base.


Original:
King Oscar
I count on you. The rest of the Army is busy hunting down what remains of all the races you submitted. There's still much chaos out there.

Suggestion:
I think changing the first sentence to "I'm counting on you." would make for a better sentence.

Original:
Damien Vargas
We haven't yet met by person. I'm Damien Vargas, leader of the rebels.

Suggestion:
I'd recommend changing 'by' to 'in' to get:
We haven't yet met in person.

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jack1974
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Re: Version 1.5.8 testing

Post by jack1974 » Wed Apr 23, 2014 2:03 pm

Thanks. I plan to keep adding those fixes until the weekend, then I don't want to touch it unless there's a bug. Fixing typos is safe, but you know what they say... doing last minute "fixes" is asking for troubles :lol:

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