Steam Version Heileen 3 Grammar/Typos

A visual novel set in the 17th century: http://www.heileen.com/
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Miakoda
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Steam Version Heileen 3 Grammar/Typos

Post by Miakoda » Sun Jun 08, 2014 6:11 pm

This is just a thread for the grammar/typos I come across while testing the Steam version of Heileen 3. I am pleased to report you at least don't have to do the 'color the last save'

Heh, and the Heileen 3 trading cards do work. Shame I got the sexy men...I'd rather have the ladies :D

More seriously, there is no reason to reply to this thread as it will be a work in progress. I may make a new post, but that is only because when a post gets to large, it slows things down when editing it.

Original:
From the moment I started my journey to the new world, my life has had its fill of ups and downs. I think it's mostly been the latter, though.

Suggestion:
In the first sentence, 'new world' should be capitalized to 'New World'.

Original:
Juliet
Why should I? Like I said earlier, we have helped them too much already! This is way more then I could ever imagine.

Suggestion:
'then' in the last sentence should be 'than'

Original:
The man who just entered was really good looking, and his body looked very well-built.

Suggestion:
Put a hyphen between 'good' and 'looking' (The next sentence after this actually has it).

Original:
I'm at the tavern with the others. However, is getting late. should I hang out with someone in particular and lose a good amount of energy, or just go to sleep?

Suggestion:
The 'is' before 'getting' should be 'it is' or "it's":
I'm at the tavern with the others. However, it's getting late.

Original:
One of the pirates battling Juliet suddenly switched to confronting me, and soon I was trying to fend off the both of them. They didn't need to fluently understand Enlgish to know that Juliet was dissatisfied with my performance.

Suggestion:
I'd recommend changing 'confronting' to 'confront'. The infinite form works better in this situation:
One of the pirates battling Juliet suddenly switched to confront me,...

Original:
Juliet
With that. I think we can conclude our training session for today.

Suggestion:
Remove the period after 'that':
With that I think we can conclude our training session for today.

Original:
Heileen
I trust you, Morgan, and I've believed almost everything you've told me. One on the other hand, I don't think Sebastian is that dishonest.

Suggestion:
Remove the 'one' at the start of the second sentence:
I trust you, Morgan, and I've believed almost everything you've told me. On the other hand, I don't think Sebastian is that dishonest.

Original:
Marie
Hey! I think I see the big dipper! Look!

Heileen
That doesn't look like the big dipper to me!

Morgan
And the big dipper is somewhere over...there.

Suggestion:
In the above sentences, 'big dipper' should be capitalized to 'Big Dipper' since that is a name, even if informal, for it.

Original:
Marie
Didn't you see the moon and the stars? it's beautiful! Come on, let's go watch them on the shore like when we were kids.

Suggestion:
Second sentence, the 'i' in "It's" should be capitalized:
...and the stars? It's beautiful! Come on...

Original:
I let otu a small pout at first, but when Juliet started ranting about how a beginner like me couldn't possible defeat a professional, I simply shrugged and smiled.

Suggestion:
'possible' should be 'possibly':
...about how a beginner like me couldn't possibly defeat a professional, I simple shrugged and smiled.

Original:
However, after watching carefully Jack, she discovered that the key was to cut the wood in the right spot, and always keep the axes sharp.

Suggestion:
Change the position of 'watching' and 'carefully' to get:
However, after carefully watching Jack, she discovered...

Original:
Heileen loved the pirate life, but she quickly realized that, with Morgan, that there was no space for another leader on his ship.

Suggestion:
You could remove the second 'that':
Heileen loved the pirate life, but she quickly realized that with Morgan, there was no space for another leader on his ship.

Original:
I stepped into the catholic church, relieved that it was nearly empty. There were a few priests talking to some followers, and I quietly went to a pew near the front that had a good view of the altar.

Suggestion:
'catholic' should be capitalized to 'Catholic'

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