Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

A visual novel set in the 17th century: http://www.heileen.com/
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Miakoda
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Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by Miakoda » Wed Jun 04, 2014 1:45 am

This thread will be for the Steam version of Heileen 2.


Also, as there is actual voice on some of the dialogue, I won't suggest too many changes in that case, though there is one instance where the voice dialogue is correct, and the written can be changed (it's noted below).

Original:
Heileen
Hey, Ebele, these fruit are really good!

Suggestion:
Add add 's' to fruit to get:
Hey, Ebele, these fruits are really good!

Original:
Heileen
I take a handfull of berries and eat them. They're so juicy and full of flavor!

Suggestion:
'handfull' should only have one 'l' for 'handful' and get:
I take a handful of berries and eat them. They're so juicy and full of flavor!

Original:
He's got short blonde hairs and bright green eyes.

Suggestion:
'hairs' should be singular in this case, referring to his head of hair:
He's got short blond hair and bright green eyes.

Original:
She grabs the biscuits and starts to eat it. She looks at me with her deep brown eyes while she eats...and I can almost read her mind.

Suggestion:
Ebele has green eyes, so change 'brown' to 'green':
She looks at me with her deep green eyes while she eats...

original:
I think we are friend again now.

Suggestion:
'friend' should be 'friends':
I think we are friends again now.

Original:
I stare in horror and she procures a long, thin rod.

Suggestion:
I would change the 'and' to 'as' It would flow better.
I stare in horror as she procures a long, thin rod.

Original:
Sister Anna
<whispering to Marie>I apologize for trying to make an example of you.

Suggestion:
Given the font use, I would put a space between the 'Marie>' and the 'I' to look:
<whispering to Marie> I apologize for trying to make an example of you.

Original:
Marie:
I told you, it's map!

Suggestion:
there should be an 'a' before 'map!'. Also, the talking mentions 'a' as well:
I told you, it's a map!

Original:
I place the map on the ground and look it from a distance to have a better overall view. Interesting...

Suggestion:
Put 'at' after 'look' to get:
I place the map on the ground look at it from a distance to have a better overall view. Interesting...

Original:
I must find courage, gather my inner strength and go on. Live the life to the fullest, no matter what. Even in a desperate situation like...

Suggestion:
Either drop 'the' before 'life', or change it to 'my'. It sounds better either way like:
I must find courage, gather my inner strength and go on. Live life to the fullest, no matter what. Even in a desperate situation like...

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Miakoda
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Re: Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by Miakoda » Thu Jun 05, 2014 3:59 pm

Sorry I haven't finished this. I was a lot more busy than planned. However, I don't foresee any problem knocking this out today and tomorrow.

Original:
Jack!? Dressed as woodcutter? This is going to be a terrible dream...

Suggestion:
Put an 'a' before 'woodcutter' to get:
Jack!? Dressed as a woodcutter?


Original
This is another case where the spoken doesn't match the writing. The original appears:
If I were in you, I would obey him!

Suggestion:
The spoken part drops the 'in', and I'd recommend doing so for the written part. This will make both match and get:
If I were you, I would obey him!


Original:
I start looking around. Ugh what a horrid dream...I want to wake up now...

Suggestion:
I'd put a comma after 'Ugh' to get:
I start looking around. Ugh, what a horrid dream...I want to wake up now...


Original:
I have mixed feelings inside. I want to cry, but I'm terrified of what he might do to me! And at same time, I don't want to give up even if I AM really tired...

Suggestion:
Put a 'the' before 'same' to get:
And at the same time, I don't want to give up even if I AM really tired...


Original:
Suddenly I feel a strange heaviness in my chest. Just thinking about searching for those cards seems a unbearable weight for me.

Suggestion:
Change the 'a' before 'unbearable to 'an' to get:
Just thinking about searching for those cards seems an unbearable weight for me.

Original:
Heileen
Oh well, I was tired of playing with them anyway. Let's go down at the beach.

Suggestion:
Turn the 'at' to 'to' after 'down' and get:
Oh well, I was tired of playing with them anyway. Let's go down to the beach.


Original:
Heileen
Yes please! Thank you.

Suggestion:
Put a comma after 'Yes'.


Original:
Heileen
Look Ja--umm, Father...how much wood I have collected.

Suggestion:
Put an 'at' before 'how' to get:
Look Ja--umm, Father...at how much wood I have collected.


Original:
Heileen
What it is?

Suggestion:
Rerrange it to get:
What is it?


Original:
Another case where the written doesn't match the audio.
Ebele:
I foudn this book on shore a few days ago...I don't wanted to show you! But it is not fair, you must know...

Suggestion:
Simply change 'wanted' to 'want', and it will match the audio.

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jack1974
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Re: Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by jack1974 » Thu Jun 05, 2014 4:15 pm

Thanks, no problem, I'm trying to release the 1st tomorrow but the second title will hardly be out this month :)

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Miakoda
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Re: Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by Miakoda » Thu Jun 05, 2014 4:29 pm

jack1974 wrote:Thanks, no problem, I'm trying to release the 1st tomorrow but the second title will hardly be out this month :)
Well, I do try to keep my word when I say I will do something. Heh, unfortunately work can be a bit tough.

Original:
Anyways, isn't clear what the relationship is between this Jack and my parents' death. There are many missing pages...

Suggestion:
Put an 'it' before 'isn't' to get:
Anyways, it isn't clear what the relationship is between this Jack and my parents' death.


Original:
I gather up my things quickly to leave, turning before she can see the tears forming in my eyes as well.

Suggestion:
I'd recommend putting 'quickly' before 'gather'. At least for me, the flow seems to go better:
I quickly gather up my things to leave, turning before she can see the tears forming in my eyes as well.


Original:
As I run from the house, the tears being to flow freer and faster.

Suggestion:
'being' should be 'begin':
As I run from the house, the tears begin to flow freer and faster.


Original:
I wish she should learn some HUMILITY.

Suggestion:
Based on the context of the sentence, change 'should' to 'would':
I wish she would learn some HUMILITY.


Original:
Someone is talking at me. It's a fisherman...?

Suggestion:
Change 'at' to 'to' to get:
Someone is talking to me. It's a fisherman...?


Original:
Looking out on the see of faces, I see their gazes all fixed on me.

Suggestion:
change 'see' to 'sea' to get:
Looking out on the sea of faces, I see their gazes all fixed on me.

Original:
Ebele is still in shock, so Robert carries her in his arm. Incredible, he lifts her so easily...like she weights nothing.

Suggestion:
I think 'arm' should be 'arms, and I'd recommend changing 'Incredible' to 'Incredibly' and 'weights' to 'weighs' to get:
Ebele is still in shock, so Robert carries her in his arms. Incredibly, he lifts her so easily...like she weighs nothing.


Original:
I gently push her away and look into her eyes. She kisses me on the cheecks several times.

Suggestion:
'cheecks' is a misspelling and should be 'cheeks'

Original:
As he does so, the bag slips from his fingers and crashes to the ground. An explosion of golden coins attracts the nearby beggars. They descent on the coins like bees on honey!

Suggestion:
'descent' is a noun, and you want the verb 'descend' to get:
They descend on the coins like bees on honey!


Original:
Heileen
I...sorry...

Suggestion:
I'd recommend making 'I' into "I'm"
I'm...sorry...


Original:
This is another case of making the written match the audio. It originally looks like:
Otto
Especially now that we have also Robert and Ebele to feed...

Suggestion:
Drop the 'also' and the written will match the audio.

Original:
Audio matching time again. Original is:
Otto
And now what I should do!

Suggestion:
Put the 'I' after 'should' and it will match the audio. Also, you might want to change the punctuation to a question mark.
And now what should I do?

Original:
Marcus
Bye bye.

Suggestion:
Just a hyphen between the 'bye's:
Bye-bye.

Original:
Robert
Haha a small bag.

Suggestion:
Maybe put an ellipses after the 'haha':
Haha...a small bag.

Original:
She grabs my hand leads me back to the bushes. Her skin is surprisingly soft, and the dep sun tanned shade is so beautiful.

Suggestion:
I would plut an 'and' after hand:
She grabs my hand and leads me back to the bushes.

Original:
Heileen
Yaawn! What, what a dream...

Suggestion:
I'd recommend changing the comma to an ellipsis. This would suggest she is waking up a bit more and her repitition is due to that.
Yawn! What...what a dream...

Original:
Elias
A chocolate tablet. Is a very new confection, but quite delicious. A Dutch friend of mine gave it to me before this voyage.

Suggestion:
To match the audio, change the "Is" to "It's" and get:
A chocolate tablet. It's a very new confection, but quite delicious.


Original:
The aroma of the rum brings out the deep bitterness of the chocolated mixed with the delicate sweetness.

Suggestion:
It should be 'chocolate' and not 'chocolated'

Original:
I don't bother to pay attention to him ramblings, focusing on enjoying the sweetness of the chocolate. I notice Marie is waving to me.

Suggestion:
Change 'him' to 'his' and get:
I don't bother to pay attention to his ramblings, focusing on the sweetness of the chocolate.

Original:
Black
But, that simple materialistic pleasure was enough to make you forget about them!

Suggestion:
To match the audio, you need to put an 'all' before 'about:
But, that simple materialistic pleasure was enough to make you forget all about them!


Original
Heileen
I freezing...

Suggestion:
Make it an "I'm" instead of "I":
I'm freezing...

Original:
Heileen
You...didn't mean to lick the chocolate from my feet, didn't you?

Suggestion:
It is a bit nuanced, but the 'didn't' before 'you' at the end should be 'did'.
You...didn't mean to lick the chocolate from my feet, did you?

Original:
Heileen
L-lora?

Suggestion:
The second 'l' really should be capitalized as well:
L-Lora?

Original:
Black
Aren't you curious to know who is?

Suggestion:
To match the audio, put an 'it' before 'is' to get:
Aren't you curious to know who it is?

Original:
Tears form my eyes. I'm not even sure why I'm crying. Do I miss John? Or am I angry that Lora seems to be cheating on Otto?

Suggestion:
Add 'in' after 'form' to get:
Tears form in my eyes.

Original:
Heileen
Finish? What they were talking about? I hope it's not what I'm thinking!

Suggestion:
Rearrange the second sentence by switching 'they' and 'were':
Finish? What were they talking about? I hope it's not what I'm thinking!

Original:
I pull the sheets over myself, and hide head under the pillow. I'd rather not hear what she has to say.

Suggestion:
Add a 'my' before 'head' to get:
I pull the sheets over myself, and hide my head under the pillow. I'd rather not hear what she has to say.

Original:
Heileen
That bowl! It's the one of the dream!

Suggestion:
Just a small preposition bit. Change 'of' to 'in':
That bowl! It's the one in the dream!

Original:
Tell Lora that was only a bad dream.

Suggestion:
Change 'that' to 'it' to get:
Tell Lora it was only a bad dream.

Original:
She blow me a kiss before leaving.

Suggestion:
'blow' should be 'blows':
She blows me a kiss before leaving.

Original:
Well...nevermind. Is like a big cat.

Suggestion:
'Is' should be "It's":
Well...nevermind. It's like a big cat.

Original:
Ebele
Robert you have pain to the arm? Let me take a look.

Suggestion:
To match the audio, change 'to' to 'in' to get:
Robert you have pain in the arm? Let me take a look.

Original:
Ebele
I know a natural remedy but you should go in the jungle to gather herbs...and I would need a bowl to mix the ingredients!

Suggestion:
To match the audio, change 'would' to 'will':
...and I will need a bowl to mix the ingredients!

Original:
The forest is quite extended though. It takes several days to pass through it. Even such a strong man like Robert need to rest.

Suggestion:
'extended' should be 'extensive' and 'need' should be 'needs':
The forest is quite extensive though. It takes several days to pass through it. Even such a strong man like Robert needs to rest.

Original:
We follow down to see if there is any better place where we can pass.

Suggestion:
Put 'it' after 'follow':
We follow it down to see if there is any better place where we can pass.

Original:
The show before our eyes is shocking.

Suggestion:
Based on the context of what happens, I think 'sight' would be a better choice than 'show':
The sight before our eyes is shocking.

Original:
Ebele
But he says that he can't be the one that goes on the other side, since he weights too much! It must be one of us!

Suggestion:
'weights' should be 'weighs' (the first is a noun, the latter a verb)


Original:
I want to inspect the river border again. Maybe there is a better spot to cross it, that we didn't notice the first time.

Suggestion:
You can remove the comma after 'it' and before 'that' if you want.

Original
I doubt even a skilled weaver would be able to build a rope with that. Those vines seems too fragile anyway!

Suggestion:
'seem' should replace 'seems' (just a different verb tense for the plural)

Original:
I head down to the spot that Robert showed me, start fishing.

Suggestion:
Put an 'and' before 'start':
I head down to the spot that Robert showed me, and start fishing.

Original:
Heileen:
Ah no, it was just my impression. Damn.

Suggestion:
You may wish to replace 'impression' with 'imagination'.

Original:
Magdalene
I hope your uncle Otto won't change his plans again, like last year...

Suggestion:
Capitalize the 'u' in 'uncle'

Original:
Heileen
M-marcus?

Suggestion:
Capitalize the 'm' in 'marcus' as well.

Original:
Heileen is talking to Magdalene
Heileen
What

Suggestion:
Put a question mark after the 'What'
What?

Original:
Heileen
Why she was angry at me?

Suggestion:
Switch the positions of 'she' and 'was', and replace 'at' with 'with':
Why was she angry with me?

Original:
Robert
She doesn't want me, but then? She can have only you.

Suggestion:
Another change text to match the audio. Switch 'have' and 'only' to match the audio:
She doesn't want me, but then? She can only have you.

Original:
Heileen
J-john?

Suggestion:
Capitalize the 'j' in 'john' as well:
J-John?

Original:
As I try to get up, l a sharp pain shoots through my right ankle.

Suggestion:
Looks like an 'l' snuck in before the 'a', and should be removed:
As I try to get up, a sharp pain shoots through my right ankle.

Original:
Heileen
Can you help me carry an heavy item to Ebele's place?

Suggestion:
Change 'an' to 'a':
Can you help me carry a heavy item to Ebele's place?

Original:
Heileen
But is heavy, can you help me carry it?

Suggestion:
Change 'is' to "it's"
But it's heavy, can you help me carry it?

Original:
Ebele
Yes, I'm sure in two we will manage to carry it.

Suggestion:
The audio doesn't have 'in', and put 'we' in front of 'two'. Change both, and the text will match the audio.
Yes, I'm sure we two will manage to carry it.

Original
Heileen:
Ebele, please. Go call Robert, we will both get injured if you keep this up.

Suggestion:
Change the comma after 'Robert' to a semicolon:
Ebele, please. Go call Robert; we will both get injured if you keep this up.

Original:
Lora
Don't worry, will be back soon.

Suggestion:
Change 'will' to "I'll" and the text will match the audio:
Don't worry, I'll be back soon.

Original:
I hear the move to the kitchen, so I decide to move closer to see what they've been up to.

Suggestion:
Change 'the' to 'them':
I hear them move to the kitchen, so I decide to move closer to see what they've been up to.

Original:
John
Who you think you are? I do what I want!

Suggestion:
Add 'do' after 'Who' to get the text to match the audio:
Who do you think you are? I do what I want!

Original:
Jonathan
What the ! are you trying to kill me?

Suggestion:
Capitalize the 'a' in 'are'.

Original:
Hello, Robert. You remember what you said me a few days ago?

Suggestion:
Put a 'to' before 'me':
Hello Robert. You remember what you said to me a few days ago?

Original:
He knees down, and keeps his head down.

Suggestion:
Change 'knees' to 'kneels'
He kneels down, and keeps his head down.

Original:
Marie
As if that weren't enough, we're almost ouf of food.

Suggestion:
'ouf' should be 'out'

Original:
Heileen
Everything? There's still lot of food!

Suggestion:
put 'a' before 'lot':
Everything? There's still a lot of food!

Original:
Heileen
Also is time you respected our opinions! After all, we all have to deal with the consequences of your actions.

Suggestion:
Change the first 'is' to "it's":
Also it's time you respected our opinions! After all, we all have to deal with the consequences of your actions.

Original:
Heileen
What you mean?

Suggestion:
Put a 'do' after 'What':
What do you mean?

Original:
Heileen
How could this happen? Marie please, help me find it...

Suggestion:
Move the comma to after 'Marie' to get:
How could this happen? Marie, please help me find it...

Original
Heileen
B-black! I didn't ruin anyone's life!

Suggestion:
Capitalize the second B in Black as well:
B-Black! I didn't ruin anyone's life!

Original:
Black is right. What I have done? Fifty pence was nothing to me. Why did I go to Sister Anna? I could have spoken with him first.

Suggestion:
Switch 'have' and 'I' in the second sentence:
Black is right. What have I done?

Original:
Heileen
Eh? What you mean?

Suggestion:
Add a 'do' after 'What':
Eh? What do you mean?

Original:
Heileen
How...how is possible?

Suggestion:
I'd suggest putting 'this' after 'is':
How...how is this possible?

Original:
His eyes fill with tears, and he kneels at my feet. My face flushes read from embarassment.

Suggestion:
'read' should be 'red' and 'embarassment' needs two r's
His eyes fill with tears, and he kneels at my feet. My face flushes red from embarrassment.

Original:
Heileen
M-marco? Sure, come inside!

Suggestion:
The second 'm' in 'marco' should also be capitalized:
Heileen
M-Marco? Sure, come inside!

Original:
I being to climb across the rope, but my arms are incredibly weak. It's hard to cling on.

Suggestion:
'being' should be 'begin':
I begin to climb across the rope, but my arms are incredibly weak. It's hard to cling on.

Original:
That was much more embarassing that I wanted it to be, and now Ebele is fuming with jealousy.

Suggestion:
'embarassing' should be 'embarrassing', and 'that' should be 'than' to get:
That was much more embarrassing than I wanted it to be, and now Ebele is fuming with jealousy.

Original:
Heileen
What I should do?

Suggestion:
Switch 'I' and 'should':
What should I do?

Original:
Ebele
Goodnight.

Suggestion:
Put a space between 'Good' and 'night':
Ebele
Good night.

Original:
You' ARE cute! And a really nice person.

Suggestion:
Remove the apostrophe after "You'":
You ARE cute! And a really nice person.

Original:
Marie
Well, you should probably rest. An don't forget your medicine.

Suggestion:
Change the 'An' to 'And':
Well, you should probably rest. And don't forget your medicine.

Original:
Ebele
H-heileen...I feel bad...

Suggestion:
Capitalize the second 'h' in 'heileen':
H-Heileen...I feel bad...

Original:
What I do now? I could give the medicine to one of them or try splitting it between them. But that might not work...

Suggestion:
Add a 'do' after 'What':
What do I do now? I could give the medicine to one of them...

Original:
Johnathan and Otto leave, still bantering with each other. I wonder what's doing on...

Suggestion:
'doing' should be 'going':
Johnathan and Otto leave, still bantering with each other. I wonder what's going on.

Original:
I run towards him, it feels weird to see him smiling and holding his arms out to me.

Suggestion:
The comma after 'him' should be a semicolon:
I run towards him; it feels weird to see him smiling and holding his arms out to me.

Original:
Heileen
Yes, you were treatening him really poorly!

Suggestion:
'treatening' should be 'treating':
Yes, you were treating him really poorly!

Oringal:
Heileen
How we know who weighs less?

Suggestion:
Put a 'do' after the 'How':
How do we know who weighs less?

Original:
I pull ou the diamond from my pouch and hold it up for all to see.

Suggestion:
'ou' should be 'out'
I pull out the diamond from my pouch and hold it up for all to see.

Original:
Morgan comes up to me with a sile.

Suggestion:
'sile' should be 'smile':
Morgan comes up to me with a smile.

Original:
Luckily they're so eager to eat, that most of them down the food without pausing.

Suggestion:
You comma after 'eat' isn't necessary.:
Luckily they're so eager to eat that most of them down the food without pausing.

Original:
The tone of Robert's voice is so imposing, I'm sure they've earned their lesson!

Suggestion:
'earned' should be 'learned', though the tribe members certainly earned it :D

Original:
What should I say? I'm not that surprised, honestly...I mean, Otto was always leaving her at home alone, and they're not married. She's IS a mistress after all.

Suggestion:
Change "She's" to "She":
She IS a mistress after all.

Original:
Black
She said she had to resume her old job. After they brought Robert and Ebele to Liverpool, they didn't had enough money to feed you all.

Suggestion:
To have the text match the audio, change 'had' to 'have':
...they didn't have enough money to feed you all.

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Miakoda
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Re: Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by Miakoda » Fri Jun 06, 2014 7:28 pm

Grammar/Typos for the final third of the game.

Original:
Heileen
Otto, don't be so hard to her.

Suggestion:
Change the 'to' to 'on':
Otto, don't be so hard on her.

Original:
Otto
Don't worry. she will stop now anyway.

Suggestion:
Capitalize the 's' in 'she':
Don't worry. She will stop now anyway.

Original:
Lora
Then will keep doing this until we're ready to leave.

Suggestion:
For the text to match the audio, add 'we' to before 'will':
Then we will keep doing this until we're ready to leave.

Original:
Sure it's sad, but...I'm not sure was such a sacrifice for Lora. I mean, she was always flirting with everyone, even on the ship.

Suggestion:
Put an 'it' after the second 'sure' and before 'was':
Sure it's sad, but...I'm not sure it was such a sacrifice for Lora.

Original:
She runs near me and knees down, examining my leg.

Suggestion:
'knees' should be 'kneels':
She runs near me and kneels down, examining my leg.

Original:
I see Black playing with...a spindle of threat? There's a full sewing kit on the ground!

Suggestion:
'threat' should be 'thread':
I see Black playing with...a spindle of thread?

Original:
I want to give him a chance to see if he notices my 'new dress'. But I already know will be useless.

Suggestion:
Put an 'it' before 'will':
But I already know it will be useless.

Original:
Oops...obviously I didn't fix it well enough. The dress back of the dress has torn open. And Robert was looking at it!

Suggestion:
Remove the first 'dress' before 'back':
Oops...obviously I didn't fix it well enough. The back of the dress has torn open.

Original:
I notice that Otto has a small back sticking out of his pocket. I wonder what it is...

Suggestion:
That 'back' should be 'bag'.

Original:
Otto leads Marie and me to a quiet corner where no prying eyes can look in. After glancing around furtively, he procures are large diamond from his pocket!

Suggestion:
Replace the 'are' before 'large' in the second sentence with 'a':
After glancing around furtively, he procures a large diamond from his pocket!

Original:
It is wrong...but was his fault? Or he was forced to become like that?

Suggestion:
Add an 'it' before 'his', and the text will match the audio.

Original:
They being arguing with each other in their own language again.

Suggestion:
'being' should be 'begin'

Original:
As he leaves he casts a disappointe glance at me. I managed to avoid telling them what I was thinking, but the mood is even worse now...

Suggestion:
'disappointe' should be 'disappointed':
As he leaves he casts a disappointed glance at me.

Original:
We part ways, and each one silently returns to his daily duties again.

Suggestion:
You could replace 'his' with 'their'...this covers the female as well as male then.

Original:
Marie
What? No no, is good!

Suggestion:
Change "is" to "it's" and the text will match the audio.

Original:
Why she can't come? Just this once!

Suggestion:
Switch the position of 'she' and 'can't':
Why can't she come? Just this once!

Original:
Next to be is a bag full of...I'm not really sure.

Suggestion:
Change the 'be' to 'me':
Next to me is a bag full of...I'm not really sure.


Original:
Go eat to Marie's house.

Suggestion:
Change 'to' to 'at':
Go eat at Marie's house.

Original:
I'm sure his answer will be no, Lora approaches us before he can answer.

Suggestion:
change the comma to a semicolon.
I'm sure his answer will be no; Lora approaches us before he can answer.

Original:
Actually, I never even meet her parents. Only now, I realize how stupid that was.

Suggestion:
Change 'meet' to 'met' for tense:
Actually, I never even met her parents. Only now, I realize how stupid that was.

Original:
I point to a nearby rock. Even from here, we can see a few fruit peeking around from behind it.

Suggestion:
'fruit' should be plural 'fruits':
Even from here we can see a few fruits peeking around from behind it.

Original:
Heileen
You won't have cold anymore now.

Suggestion:
Change 'have' to 'feel' to reflect the scene better:
You won't feel cold anymore now.

Original:
I don't understand why she wants to punish Robert so much. What he did to her?

Suggestion:
Change the last sentence a little to:
What did he do to her?

Original:
I blush and when I heard the word 'love', and my heart begins pounding?

Suggestion:
Remove the second 'and':
I blush and when I heard the word 'love', my heart begins pounding?

Original:
John
I've dreamt about this moment for so long...I've loned to kiss you, touch you...

Suggestion:
Change 'loned' to 'longed' to have the text match the audio.

Original:
It goes on: 'Our first encounter was heartbreakingly brief, but I that's all it took for her to capture my heart. I waited so long for another chance just to gaze on her visage.'

Suggestion:
Remove the 'I' before 'that's' to have text match audio:
...encounter was heartbreakingly brief, but that's all it took for her to capture my heart.

Original:
What you mean?

Suggestion:
Add 'do' after 'What':
What do you mean?

Original:
Jack
No, why I would do that?

Suggestion:
Switch 'I' and 'would' to get the text to match the audio:
No, why would I do that?

Original:
Heileen
What did you saw?

Suggestion:
'saw' should be 'see':
What did you see?

Original:
Heileen
Jack..are youhiding something?

Suggestion:
Put a space between 'you' and 'hiding':
Jack...are you hiding something?

Original:
I can't even respond...Why they would do that to me? I was only a child!

Suggestion:
Switch 'they' and 'would':
I can't even respond...Why would they do that to me? I was only a child!

Original:
Then...why you think Jack would do me any harm? He saved me, as you just said!

Suggestion:
Add a 'do' after 'why':
Then...why do you think Jack would do me any harm? He saved me, as you just said!

Original:
Yes, but everyone suspected that is was Jack because of past events. Only Otto and Lora knew the truth, probably because my parents told them.

Suggestion:
Change 'is' to 'it' in the first sentence:
Yes, but everyone suspected that it was Jack because of past events.

Original:
Heileen
You need to respect them, and in this case, their dignity. Why should Adam have throw away the opportunity to be a captain of ship?

Suggestion:
'throw' should be 'thrown', and 'captain of ship' would be better as 'ship's captain':
Why should Adam have thrown away the opportunity to be a ship's captain?

Original:
Marie
But...didn't you had any kids?

Suggestion:
Change 'had' to 'have' and the text will match the audio.
But...didn't you have any kids?

Original:
Don't look me with strange thing, Heileen. You're scaring me.

Suggestion:
Put 'that' before 'strange' to get the text to match the audio:
Don't look at me with that strange thing, Heileen. You're scaring me.

Original:
If they're pirates, is better if we hide as soon as we can.

Suggestion:
Change 'is' to 'it's'
If they're pirates, it's better if we hide as soon as we can.

Original:
L-lora, where...I mean, what time is it?

Suggestion:
Capitalize the second 'l' in 'Lora':
L-Lora, where...I mean, what time is it?

Original:
Lora
I wish I had still a body like yours...

Suggestion:
Switch 'had' with 'still' to make the text match the audio:
I wish I still had a body like yours...

Original:
I'm speechless. But what about all the pain...was just my imagination again?

Suggestion:
Put 'it' before 'just':
I'm speechless. But what about all the pain...was it just my imagination again?


Original:
Lora
Heileen...you KINDNESS really means a lot to me.

Suggestion:
Change 'you' to 'your' and the text will match the audio:
Heileen...your KINDNESS really means a lot to me.

Original:
I...I didn't want to offend him! But was your fault Ebele, why did you even say that?

Suggestion:
Put 'it' before 'was':
But it was your fault Ebele, why did you even say that?

Original:
Heileen
You should go apologize Robert.

Suggestion:
Put 'to' before 'Robert':
You should go apologize to Robert.

Original:
Heileen:
Leave? Haha where I should go?

Suggestion:
Switch 'I' and 'should':
Leave? Haha where should I go?

Original:
Heileen
I don't know what the fate has in store for us, and I don't want to like to you. It's unlikely that you'll see her again.

Suggestion:
Remove 'the' before 'fate' and change 'like' to 'lie':
I don't know what fate has in store for us, and I don't want to lie to you. It's unlikely that you'll see her again.

Original:
I pick the telescope and take a look. It's really a ship, and it seems near enough to spot us!

Suggestion:
Add 'up' after 'pick':
I pick up the telescope and take a look.

Original:
As the night we try to get some sleep, but it's nearly impossible with our arms and legs bound like this.

Suggestion:
The first part is a bit confusing. Maybe go with:
As night falls we try to get some sleep, but it's nearly impossible with our arms and legs bound like this.

Original:
We arrive in the ship, and find Robert badly injured!

Suggestion:
Change 'in' to 'on'

Original:
Juliet
What are you trying, bird?

Suggestion:
Add 'to do' after 'trying' to have the text match the audio:
What are you trying to do, bird?

Original:
Morgan
What the hell were you trying to do!?

Suggestion:
Change 'were' to 'are' to have the text match the audio:
What the hall are you trying to do!?

Original:
She drops the swords on the ground and starts crying.

Suggestion:
Make 'swords' singular since Ebele only grabbed one sword.

Original:
Morgan is a good person, but I don't know if he loves me for real or if he's just attracted by my look.

Suggestion:
Make 'look' into 'looks'.

Original:
I'm need to get some sleep. I haven't really slept a wink at all.

Suggestion:
Change 'I'm' to 'I':
I need to get some sleep. I haven't really slept a wink at all.

Original:
I don't want to take any risks. Morgan seems too much interested in me, and Juliet would probably kill me if she had the chance!

Suggestion:
Put the 'too' after 'much'. It flows better this way:
Morgan seems much too interested in me...

Original:
Heileen
Let at least give this place a little more order.

Suggestion:
Change 'Let' to "Let's":
Let's at least give this place a little more order.

Origin:
Heileen hopes to find her friends again. But if this doesn't happen...she'll probably wait the right moment to escape with Ebele and Robert.

Suggestion:
Put 'for' after 'wait' and the text will match the audio:
...she'll probably wait for the right moment to escape with Ebele and Robert.

Heileen:
Yes! The one I was always playing with! They were here on the ground!

Suggestion:
'one' should be 'ones' for being plural:
The ones I was always playing with!

Original:
Morgan snaps the pole agains Robert's arm. It doesn't look like a serious hit. but Ebele is so worried nonetheless!

Suggestion:
'agains' should be 'against' and the period after 'hit' should be a comma:
Morgan snaps the pole against Robert's arm. It doesn't look like a serious hit, but Ebele is so worried nonetheless!

Original:
We sailed from Liverpool at beginning of the summer...that means that it must be october already.

Suggestion:
Move 'the' before 'beginning' and capitalize 'october':
We sailed from Liverpool at the beginning of summer...that means that it must be October already.

Original:
Black
Heileen quickly grew accustomed to being revered from those natives.

Suggestion:
Change 'from' to 'by' so the text matches the audio:
Heileen quickly grew accustomed to being revered by those natives.

Original:
Pirates
Haha, so? That sort of stuff if pointless!

Suggestion:
Change 'if' to 'is':
Haha, so? That sort of stuff is pointless!

Original:
Oh no, I'm no medic but...and I don't mean to be offensive...I do have superior education.

Suggestion:
Put an 'a' before 'superior':
...I do have a superior education.

Original:
Heileen
You would be foolish not let us come with you.

Suggestion:
Put a 'to' before 'not':
You would be foolish to not let us come with you.

Original:
I pull ou the diamond from my pouch and hold it up for all to see.

Suggestion:
'ou' should be 'out'

Original:
Heileen
Who you know who would buy a diamond off of you in cash?

Suggestion:
Put 'do' after the first 'Who':
Who do you know who would buy a diamond off of you in cash?
Last edited by Miakoda on Sat Jun 07, 2014 12:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Miakoda
Elder Druid
Posts: 871
Joined: Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:05 pm

Re: Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by Miakoda » Sat Jun 07, 2014 12:23 am

Okay, I'm pretty much done with Heileen 2. Above are the various typos/grammar issues you may want to look at.

As I mentioned elsewhere, everything else is stable with the game (at least for me), and I did get every achievement with the Steam Build.

User avatar
jack1974
Pack leader
Posts: 13420
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2005 4:43 pm

Re: Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by jack1974 » Sat Jun 07, 2014 7:12 am

Thanks, will now proceed to fixing all the typos :)

User avatar
Miakoda
Elder Druid
Posts: 871
Joined: Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:05 pm

Re: Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by Miakoda » Sat Jun 07, 2014 11:45 am

jack1974 wrote:Thanks, will now proceed to fixing all the typos :)
The only other recommendation I have is if you get a few minutes, the 'colored last save' is nice to have :)

User avatar
jack1974
Pack leader
Posts: 13420
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2005 4:43 pm

Re: Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by jack1974 » Sat Jun 07, 2014 11:54 am

Ah thought I did that already! Will do it shortly :)

User avatar
Miakoda
Elder Druid
Posts: 871
Joined: Sat Sep 28, 2013 8:05 pm

Re: Steam Version Heileen 2 Grammar/Typos

Post by Miakoda » Tue Jun 10, 2014 3:27 am

jack1974 wrote:Ah thought I did that already! Will do it shortly :)
It's fixed now. :)

One minor thing, and it may not be fixable, but if you left click on an inactive tarot card, it keeps the writing there, which gets to be a messy if you touch another card then. Not a game breaker, or anything,

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